BONUS Issue No. 22 What this SAHM thinks about the Trad-Wife
Sharing photos from my home life. And sharing thoughts on internet discord.
First, THANK YOU so much for your warmth towards my knitted sleigh ride sweater! It took over my life since August and I am so glad I got to share it.
Shoot. The title of this issue is a lot and honestly I have too many thoughts to share. I am peppering this issue with some family photos.
The term “trad-wife” is silly/stupid to me. There are countless articles and accounts that have put trad-wifery in the forefront. If you are making money off of this content creation, than let’s get something clear…you are an influencer!
But, I want to focus on the discord between people hating on women who choose to stay home. Truthfully, at times I fantasize about a job out of the home (costume design at SNL). But, I ultimately chose this life for the time being…and it’s pretty dang perfect.
Some of the discord comes from people being aghast at making food from scratch. I believe it is absolutely reasonable to make marshmallows from scratch, it is possible to have your kids cook alongside you, and it is feasible to find joy in the routine and even mundane. I guess I could cook in some of my best outfits, and sometimes I do, but mostly I’m in my mom uniform (jeans/sweats and a tshirt). But, I always ALWAYS wear an apron.
I would also mention that woman since the dawn of time have done all these things and MORE but without the luxury of time to sit back and argue with strangers about it.
Woman have taken care of home life before dishwashers, refrigerators, laundry machines, and Amazon Prime with same-day delivery. I have never had to send Mark out to buy diapers because we always had them routinely delivered to us. This is the easiest time, since the beginning of time, to take care of our home and home things.
While it is “easy”, it’s also very lonely and still incredibly taxing. I wish my community had the laundromat culture so I could do it all in one day alongside some friends. I yearn for the age when women got together for weekly Bridge nights.
A stay-at-home-mom(parent) requires SKILL, critical thinking, creativity, patience, cognitive set-shifting, and discipline.
Outsourcing childcare and home maintenance is another way to rely on unseen labor (most cases woman). I see nannies more than I see other stay-at-home parents during the day. We’ve had kids come play after school where I still have never met their parents, just a nanny. One nanny told me that she is there from 6am-8pm and the parents make themselves dinner at 8pm and tuck their kids in afterwards. You can hear the concern in her voice.
About the husband…
It’s important to realize that neither of us (working parent and the stay-at-home parent) could have the life we have without the other. One reason why I think Home Economics should be required for boys. The way people think needs to change…take this guy’s thought:
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Where to find a guy?
Daniel (husband of Ballerina Farm) (son of JetBlue guy) received major criticism about how he pulled strings to sit by his future wife on a flight to NYC when he wanted to start dating. Yes, clearly he was in a position of privilege to pull that; but that is what a guy should do!! Girls, you *want* a guy to be so into you to do something “wild” like that. Rather than stringing you along for years with no intention in long-term.
Ok, getting back on track….
It boils down to how we are dishonoring the generations of woman that have come before us. Bring back Home Economics in a big way I say!
Some of the trad-wife accounts are all about the rage-bait, some are pure satire, some are playing into the patriarchy because they get both hate engagement AND praise. But, these accounts ARE all a business, or at least trying to be. They don’t care if you hate watch because that is how they get engagement. The videos are set up, prepped for, edited and produced. If I were a trad-wife influencer would feel more trapped into that genre of content creation, than if I were simply a stay-at-home mom where I get to decide every single day what I get to do.
But, I believe some of the videos to be absolutely true to form and showcases highlights in their life. Home life can be beautiful!
It is possible to cook from scratch (once you do it’s hard to go back). I know I am in a position of privilege to stay home and have HOBBIES(?!). But, I don’t think I should be the exception. I think the world should be set up for more respect for the home. Maybe a single-income family should be paid more based on their decision to have a stay-at-home parent?
I live in a small old New England home, our kitchen is galley style and we basically live in it’s small area. I don’t set up my camera or clear the clutter when we are in our kitchen living life. But, all this discord around this has me wanting to share some snippets of our life.
Nothing produced, nothing prepped for, no fancy lighting, and a lot of mess; but home life can be beautiful.
The girls LOVE to help spin my yarn into cakes. (Warning: MOM voice here, definitely a not-going-to-post voice).
The girls love to grind wheat on the days that we bake together!
Trad-wifery is a trend. But, homemaking is work that has been done since the dawn of time.
-Elissa
You go girl. We need more SAHMs sharing their stories, not to monetize or complain, just to be seen and heard and (gasp) even celebrated. I'm thinking about making a t-shirt that says "domesticity as an act of rebellion." Let the SAHMs be who we are -- in all our many ways!!